Who caused explosions in the North Stream(s)?

Breaking News! From my special (undisclosed) sources specialised in the MOST LIKELY scenarios. God is on our side because he lost job saving the Queen!

Nord Stream 1 and 2 suffered from simultaneous explosions! Who is (are) perpetrators? Stay with me and I will tell you the truth, the only truth, so God help me! He must be on our side and lonely. Great job of saving the Queen is over. Poor thing…

Hello folks! My special (you know the one… The red one… Never mind) phone rang just as I was finishing my Serbian Musaka this afternoon. I will share the recipe with you one day… No! There is no Croats in my musaka at all. Why would you ask me that?

Musaka is in the oven and I am going to share with you a HUGE secret. Here we go:

From my secret sources in MI6 this is what MOST LIKELY happened

As early as September 26, it became known about the pressure drop and gas leakage at the first and second Nord Streams. One of them was found near the Danish island of Bornholm. This practically disabled the gas pipelines.

On September 27, the operating company Nord Stream AG reported the destruction of three gas pipelines at once. I am typing slowly for folks that cannot read fast. Pay attention here! It says 3 (three) gas pipelines at once. Someone is not only banging pipes, but is sending a loud message here. Is it God? Be patient

“The destruction that occurred on the same day simultaneously on three strings of the offshore gas pipelines of the Nord Stream system is unprecedented. It is not yet possible to estimate the timing of the restoration of the gas transmission infrastructure”.

Nord Stream AG

The obvious question here is: Who is behind this diversion? Let’s not mince the words, this is an act of terrorism. In some (bad, right wing and absolutely conservative) countries they have a death sentence for terrorists. More liberal countries prefer to train (education is important!) and finance them (never let anything stop your generosity). It is about to be revealed right here!

I have to take you to the past first to make things clearer. You got to take a scientific approach to these things, like all western mainstream media and think-tanks do. So, you must remember those two Russian secret agents that almost poisoned another Russian named Scripal and his daughter. These two guys SECRETLY penetrated Kingdom (of Genocides) and even went to church there. We have photos to prove it all! I mean, Scotland Yard has the photos.

Petrov and Bashirev

Anyways, these two entered the Kingdom as Alexander Petrov and Ruslan Bashirev. However, the mighty MI6 disclosed their real names: Anatoliy Chepiga and Alexander Mishkin. These two Russian SECRET AGENTS (don’t ever forget that) spilled a deadly military grade chemical called NOVICHOK in attempt to murder retired Russian ex-spy and his daughter. The use of the WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION is beyond any doubt. Now, we can also confirm where Sadam Hussein was hiding his WMD. Thanks to prompt and efficient response by various services of Her Majesty, nobody died.

Now, if you continue this scientific investigation you will find these two Russian secret agents involved in another failed assassination! The whole world knows that these two attempted to assassinate Russian “opposition leader” controlling support of 1.5% of Russian electorate! As I said, they failed again in spite of getting NOVICHOK in his tea and underwear as well.

My special sources of information close to the Kremlin (only four metro stations away) informed me that Vlad was outraged by the failure of these two stooges and ordered them to be retrained for different tasks. As you can see, Russians are starting to see the benefits of education as well.

Eh, those Russians are really useless

As soon as the news of these explosions was released, the FBI sent their special investigators to two of many European places ruled by vampires as pipeline goes thgourh their respective “economical zones”. Their vampires are still in the mourning for one they recently lost. I am sure you know what I am about. And, as one could expect, MI6 was there to give them a helping hand.

So, the special FBI team specialised in finding undamaged passports of perpetrators under the rubble of The World Trade Center, pulled the success again. You guessed it. They have found the passports of Petrov and Bashirev.

Crime solved! Eh, those Russians

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